1. Be impeccable with your word.

Say what you need to say. No more, no less. Don’t intentionally hurt people. Don’t lead them on. Don’t say un-truths. When it’s time to say it, say it. Don’t say more than you need to. I have to tell you this right now.

2. Always do your best.

Today, your best may be here. Tomorrow it may be some place else. At this time, on this day, do your best. Do the best you can do, in all that you do. Today you can do the splits, tomorrow you may not be able to. Just do the best you can for the current situation, current activity, current “thing.”

3. Don’t take anything personally.

The things people say to you have nothing to do with you. It’s where he or she is coming from. Good or bad, don’t take it personally. It’s true when they say, “It’s not you, it’s me.” It has something to do with them, not you. When someone says something mean or hurtful to you, it has to do with what’s going on behind them. It truly is what’s going on with me. I’ve got my own shit to work out. Really and truly.

4. Don’t make assumptions.

Can’t assume something. Can’t assume you know until they tell you. Can’t assume they know what you mean. Can’t assume to understand. This is not about you.

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I’m working on it.

Kinda wound up. Pretty sleepy, but not really tired at all. Kinda tired, but not really sleepy at all.

Perusing old emails that made me think of how things used to be. Remember journal entries that remind me of more recent past.

Flipping between several tabs, all the same websites I visit all the time.

Full from delicious appetizers, happy from several glasses of wine, satisfied from s’mores.

Should I get up and work out? Should I sleep in? Should I get up without an alarm and plan a work out if I get up in enough time? Have go to “in” tomorrow from 1:30 or so until 5:30 or so (“Annie, Annie, are you okay?!”)

Yawning.

Should drink more water. How do I count the points for tonight? Do I sorta count them, as I sometimes do? No idea how much I ate tonight. Not TONS, but not all WW-friendly. Whatever. So worth it. So much fun.

Don’t have a current book that I want to read. Should have one soon at the library. Have one on my bedside table. Want something new. Could go read.

Have a knitting project I’m working on. Have others I could work on (say, before July 22nd??).  Could clean. Could sit here and write random blogs about nothing.

Told someone today that my blog was just my own personal brain dump. Once I got it out here, it was done. … And the real serious stuff I write in my journal. Only I see that. That’s the deep, deep stuff.

I’m sure if I went and brushed and washed, I’d feel better would feel closer to bedtime.

Hard not to remember the good. Hard to forget the not so good.

Where’s the balance? How is it supposed to be?

While at mom’s a few weeks ago, I took a bunch of stuff from her house–somehow I still have more. It makes me sick how much utter crap I have! I have a hard time letting go of stuff.

I took a coffee mug (that I will keep, since it’s from Granada) home that was filled with ticket stubs. I used to keep my ticket stubs and write who I went with on the back.   Some of the movies I don’t even remember seeing, nor do I even remember that they were a movie!

Most of the people on the back I remember. I think there was only one person on there who wasn’t familiar. There were a lot of recurring ones–like my standing Monday night movie dates with Chris and Amanda.

There was one–Larry and Co. Took me awhile, but the memory came back. I went on three or so dates with Larry. Second or third date was with some friends of his, another couple. During dinner, I had gone to the bathroom and as I walked back, I could tell the other girl warned them that I was returning. When I sat down, I said something like, “I’m back, you have to stop talking about me now.” One of them made a lame remark about talking about the pictures on the wall. Yeah, right. I totally knew they were talking about me and I totally didn’t care. So maybe I shouldn’t have called them out on it, but it was SO obvious. Anyway, Larry didn’t make it that far.

There were a few with Lance, who I dated a whopping two months. A few with mom and/or my step dad, dad and step mom, people from church.

Not sure why I hung onto those. I guess they are fun memories, but I’m really trying to figure out this clutter thing. I’m sure had I ended up marrying one of those dates, it’d be a cute thing to frame, but alas, right now I hardly know their last names.

So I just threw them away. There were probably about 40 or so.  Anyway, the memories are still there somewhere, I guess I just don’t need the physical reminder of them–they just take up space.

Keep tuned for more adventures of the vast amount of crap I own.

to add on to that. Yes, I am okay with being alone. I love it. Maybe I’ve finally hit that “I’m okay with me” part that’s so critical. I need some guy to help make a shelf to hang stuff for my laundry. And one (same one?) to help make a patio and put up a screen and help with french doors.

There’s a lot brewing up there.

I’ve got that itch to write. It’s right there. I think I even started composing in my head last night. That’s when I write the best–when I’m in bed, on the brink of sleep.

And now I should be going to bed. I’m sleepy, I’ve been on the computer a lot tonight, just flipping through websites, doing nothing productive. Couldn’t even make my lunch because all the good tupperware is in the (now washing) dishwasher. I took the trash and recycling out. I really should go to the next smaller (and smallest) size of trashcan. I didn’t take the trash out last week, and still this week I didn’t come close to filling it.

I love the new recycling. Of course I hate that it doesn’t get sorted and recycled in town, but it makes me feel good to throw SO much in there. I mean, I throw SO much!  It’s just awesome. Coke zero cans, milk gallons, shampoo bottles, all sorts of plastics, all glass, all paper. I stand at my make-shift recycle bag and go through my junk mail. I give my egg cartons back to Greenling, even though I don’t buy their eggs. Soon (yeah, right) I will compost and will throw out even less food.

I’ve got several items of already prepared food in my fridge right now. Does Thai Egg Drop Soup freeze well? Or should I toss it? I’ve got one chicken mole thigh left. Some spiced pumpkin soup left, which will probably freeze well. It’s good to have to food available. Good to have it when I just don’t have it in me to cook. But sometimes when I’m feeling ambitious like this, I get a lot of made food in my fridge/freezer and just continue to make more.

I was inspired and went to the store around 11:00 a.m. today. It was perfect. There were only a few spots of “OMG this place is crazy!” which is a million times less than usual. I did have to go back, unfortunately, but it was all easy to do the exchange of broken things. I’ve got a few new recipes to make this week.

I’m going to try my hand at cupcakes this week for the team potluck. I’m going to try to copy KT and make PB frosting. I even bought little tips (and PB Kisses to put inside).  I’m excited to experiment and I hope I’m not being too over-ambitious. I could have done them today, I had the time, but I didn’t want them to dry out too much by Wednesday. Hopefully I have the time Tuesday.

Tomorrow I go see David Sedaris. I’m very excited about that. C (hi, C!) often goes to “things” by herself, and I’ve always been impressed by that. She sees a concert or musician or speaker or whatever that she wants to see and she buys a ticket. Just one ticket. And she goes.

Me? I see if someone else will go, or I just don’t go at all–I haven’t been to “a show” in a really long time.  I’ve done the dining alone thing, I’ve done movies alone, I guess this was next. And it’s not like it’s even that big of a deal. But it kinda is. But it’s not really, you know what I mean? (And kudos to you if you’ve read my rambling thus far).  So that’s tomorrow. I’m very excited about it. That man cracks my shit up.

This is not what I intended to write about. It’s what came out, though.

So maybe I really should go to bed. I just started Little Women. Never read it, and I feel like I should have by now. I’ve read the first chapter so far. I have seen the movie, and I don’t remember much of it, which is good for me, since I hate reading the book after seeing the movie. I should go brush my teeth, read for a few pages and go to bed.

It’s Monday tomorrow, which makes me say boo. I know you non-teaching people think we have it so easy. And at times, yes, we do. I think the fact that there is an end in sight is what makes these last few weeks so difficult. I think I officially hit The Wall. I’m done. Over it.

Today as I went through my day, I thought of various blogs to blog. They were all over the place. I have no idea what they were now.

So here’s some random tid-bits about me. I’m warning you now, this is pretty rambly…

When I don’t have work or school, I often start working. Like project working. Sometimes even when I do have somewhere to be the next day, I start projecting. I start the cleaning.

After a very bad accident in 2000, I remember being my apartment. Pain was still bad enough I was taking Vicodin (thank you, Abbott Laboratories), but it must have been under control enough that I could do things. (There was a while there where I couldn’t do much at all.) I took a Vicodin or two, thinking it would help me sleep. I remember cleaning. Like crazy. It must have been. I remember sitting on my closet floor, thinking to myself, “wow, I’ve got a lot done.” Or maybe I thought how odd it was the Vicodin had the opposite of what I expected. I don’t know. I do know that I stayed up late cleaning and clearing.

I know there were times in high school that, if I didn’t have school the next day, I’d start clearing out my desk or rummage through my closet or clean out mostly-used shampoo bottles.  It’s like I don’t want to waste daylight, but if I’m awake and it’s night, it’s not like I’m going to go do something!

So, here I am again. I mostly cleaned my kitchen (minus the floors) this morning. Today I got a shelving system to use as my pantry. I just finished putting it together–no tools required! I can’t figure out if I like it or not. I don’t know if I like everyone seeing my business, but I know it was all visible before, too. Now it’s just more spread out.

So, I put it up. Then I need to sweep. Maybe then I should put these little carriers in the office. Wait, while I’m in the office, I should put these pens in here. Oh, but this is a mess here. I can’t handle this mess. That mess will have to wait.

Should I enjoy the bed? Should I disfruta the energy I have to actually do some cleaning? Maybe I should use this energy to read those two books I got today (Ah! there was that other blog!). Maybe I should blog. Maybe I should check facebook again.

I know what will happen. I’ll go back to the shelving. I’ll scrunch my nose, tilt my head, slide things around. I may try to do a bit in the office. Or not.

I am sleepy, but I do think I have a bit left in me to move and shuffle my stuff around.

I have these ideas that come to me at inopportune times. In the car, in the shower, at work.

I think I need to remember them. And I don’t. They’re right on the edge of my thoughts, just out of reach. It’s like I can almost reach them now. But not quite.

The blogs will be back. Oh, yes, they will be back.

I love LM’s idea of “what I did today,” and I’m going to copy it. I kept thinking of things to add to my day, but never did that, so hopefully I can remember a few gems from this week so far.

This week, I:

• woke up to the alarm for the first time in a week or so
• talked to my BFF about “OMG, what should I do/get for my party?”
• went to Spec’s to get tequila and margarita mix
• told a student if he wore his pants where he was supposed to, he wouldn’t have to run like that (it really was pretty ridiculous)
• tried Dos XX Amber and really liked it
• checked my evite several times a day, just to see if there were new RSVPs
• received a tagine as a housewarming gift
• felt my niece kick (!!!!)
• found more and more friends on facebook and was amazed by how many are married, have children, are pregnant, are pregnant again, had babies
• was sad to see that a classmate from high school has a CaringBridge site and also a brain tumor
• made Rustic Tomato Soup using my new Dutch oven
• researched big huge hula hoops
• was disappointed that I probably can’t get big huge hula hoops in time for party
• got excited about my party
• gave a lesson on “tight-rolling” jeans without having to use a rubber band (“Back in my day, we didn’t use rubber bands to tight roll!”)

I’m not feeling wordy enough to have a lofty “first post of the new year,” so I’ll just post a few thoughts, a few notes, comments, all that.

New Year’s. Wow. What a night. Let me tell you about it. Some random person (yeah, basically just like that) invited me and a few other orphans over for a shin-dig. Black and White party, dress up, pay $2 for drinks (and I kept hoping, food). C and I got dolled up — we looked HOT, let me just say that. I was excited. Excited at the prospect of meeting new people, of having a fun (almost) wild New Years, but not so much like year’s past because, well, those hurt the whole next day.  New people, new experiences, the unknown. Sure, why not?

Anyway, C printed out the invite, I had looked it up, we headed out. Could not find the address. 2104 it said, on a fairly big street. We started thinking maybe it was in a strip mall. We saw an apartment complex across the way, and thought maybe the address was wrong. So we went there. It seemed oddly dead. #533.  That’s what we were supposed to look for. We walked all around building #5. No 533. Even #523 was dark and quiet.  A nice guy with his small pup offered to help. No such luck. Pretty sure it turns out #533 doesn’t exist. No, really. No, I won’t shut up.

I was done. Over it.

Miles from home, we started the trek back. We went to a restaurant/pub/bar thing. We ate cheese fries with bacon. We had lots of drinks. 58 minutes after we sat down, we rang in the new year. We laughed. Hard. We took pictures. We laughed harder. We talked of the new year, our expectations, our hopes, our desires. We drank more. We took more pictures.  It may have been in The Divine Plan not to go to that party. I’m a little glad it was. I was out, I had fun, I had good, greasy food (kitchen closes at midnight, btw) and good drinks. I can only hope the rest of my year is “as chill” as my NYE was.

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I received many blanket texts on Christmas morning. “Merry Christmas, friend”… “Wish you were here,” and so on. Don’t get me wrong. I do like them. Make me smile. The one that made me laugh the hardest? One of my very first e-H dates. Said something like, “I’m so blessed to have friends like you.” Um, okay. (I’m a little glad I kept his name in my phone).

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Twenty years ago today my dad and step-mom got married. Twenty years! That makes me feel old, in some regards.

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In a bit I’ll go to my dad’s for our Christmas there. It’ll be good food and good times. Hopefully presents I’ll actually use/need, too. I mean, yes, I do love presents….but we have received our fair share of things we don’t use much.

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I’m not really sure what to expect in 2009.  I didn’t know last year at this time that I’d be a indebted home-owner, and here I am 365 days later, listening to good music, sitting on an awesome couch, in my very own house. So who knows what’ll happen?

Hope you had a good holiday season and I hope that you have an awesome start to the year. And the things we don’t know… sometimes are part of The Plan.

I love Costco. I really do. But I don’t like the people who shop there. Or I don’t like how they act. Not me, of course!

It’s the free samples. People FREAK OUT over free samples. Watch them. They’re like hawks circling, watching. They wait for the next round of processed deliciousness to be set out on little paper cups.And how does that plastic thing “guard” anything anyway? You just reach around it. It’s not really even a sneeze guard.

sidebar–I very rarly eat pre-packaged foods these days. I can’t even tell you the last time I had a “frozen dinner.” I haven’t had pre-flavored/sweetened yogurt in years. I’ve eliminated fake sugars, except for Coke Zero.  When I left Costco, I could literally FEEL the sodium on my tongue. It was like I had swallowed a tablespoon of salt. It was disgusting. I will say the chocolate was pretty darn good, though. Totally ruined my WW for the weekend. Like, totally. I was doing so well until last night and until today. Argh. I wish I could find the self-control. Anyway, that’s another sidebar within a sidebar. The sodium and processedness of it all was crazy.

But I love samples, too. People are like hawks. They circle and swarm. You can tell where new samples were just put out because there are more hawks in that area. Someone just run out? Well, the hawks search for something new.

It’s like the lions in Africa. They fight over thier place next to the zebra. Moms tell one son to grab one for the younger brother. And grab one for me too, while you’re at it.

They push and shove with those big carts. They’ll knock you down.

Children cry.

It’s a crazy place.

Go at your own risk.