Alright, yeah, a lot of this ends up being about food and my struggle with losing weight.

So first I’ll get this out and then we’ll see if I have the energy to go into the psychological stuff…

I didn’t do well this week. I guess it wasn’t HORRIBLE, but it wasn’t anywhere near where it “should have been.” I’ll say this. I had lots of “overages” every day this past week. And of course the weekends are pretty much a crazy eating and drinking fest. But, yeah, every day was “over” what it should have been.  So, I made it through the day today. Tomorrow, Monday, is my ‘weigh in’ day. So I’ll weigh in. I mark it down. And next week will be better. I’ll write it down, I’ll move on. I’ll be pissed about it, but whatever. The wine tonight was good.

I’m disappointed that I’m still UP from when I started WW (again). So maybe doing WW means I didn’t gain MORE, but still. It’s totally frustrating. I know it works.  I just need to make it work with me.

So maybe that’s where the psychological stuff comes in. Maybe I don’t really want to lose weight. … Nah I don’t believe that. Cuz I do. I think I just love food. And I love alcohol. And I don’t like depriving myself. And I can enjoy working out sometimes, although I did have to leave my class early last Friday because I wasn’t feeling well.

Hopefully tomorrow I can make it (and stay) for an evening class. The early morning thing will not be happening tomorrow.

So I’ll drink my water tonight. I can tell I had a lot of sodium this weekend. And, yeah, whatever.

Just me venting.

So I did horribly on the eating last week. I was like a bottomless pit. I’m sure psychiatrists would love a hack at what I was “feeding,” although I tired to snack healthily. Sorta.

When I freak like that and see a big gain on Mondays (my weigh in day), I don’t write what I gained, but wait until Tuesday. I decided to go ahead and write the almost 4 pound gain. Argh. Overall trend, yeah I get it. I know.

I did better-ish today. Had a bit of a panic when I wasn’t able to eat what I wanted at school today. I appreciate appreciation lunches, really I do. But when a piece of chicken cordon bleu is 13 points (almost half my daily allowance), it makes it hard to eat the whole thing. But then I ate two cookies.

I was going to work out today, but didn’t.  Ended up going to the grocery store instead, partly to arm myself for the week. I got stuff to make baked mac and cheese and also an “Asian-inspired” 0-point soup. I don’t think I had many dinner options at home last week (although I do need to post pictures from my tagine experience!)

So, even though I was over points for the day, as my mac and cheese baked, I ate a “salad” (really it was just some mixed greens with dressing, nothing fancy). The mac and cheese turned out pretty good. I made a few modifications and some were better than others. After I ate, I made the Asian soup (smells good) and also cut up a very small pineapple.

They say in WW when you’re struggling, you should go back over the materials. I read some of the message boards today. There was a post about how important it is to get in your “healthy checks.” These include at least 5 fruits and veggies, 2 milks, 2 oils, waters, vitamins, exercise, and so on. The poster said that you’re supposed to plan your meals around those first and then filling in the blanks with other stuff. Now, I don’t know how well I can do that, or how well I’ll put for the effort, but I know it does make sense.

So I think I was a vegetable/fruit short today. (I ate the salad so I could get those two more in). I got in my milks (love chocolate milk!), ate my oils (1 tsp. on a piece of toast, 1 tsp on my mac and cheese). Vitamins are easy. Already confessed to no working out. No alcohol today, and I limited my sugars. No wait, guess I did have two cookies.

So tomorrow for lunch, I have a few options. Salad and soup or salad and mac’n'cheese or some sort of combination of those things.

I’ve noticed that I do best when I have a big huge protein for breakfast, like eggs, so I bought a dozen eggs today, too. Although Go Lean cereal boasts 9 grams of protein, I’m still hungry early on in the day. I usually have cottage cheese (the Activ stuff that has lots of fiber) around 10:30, but don’t have any more of that. Not sure yet what tomorrow’s snack will be.

So, there I am, saying it out loud. You know how I look at weeks like today? I did pretty good today. Yeah, snacked but whatever. But it was “pretty good.” And I’m armed with good meals for tomorrow. And I’ll be walking tomorrow.

Just sayin’.

BC/BS came to work last week, for a free biometric screening. I hadn’t planned on going, since I’m going for my Well-Woman Checkup in two weeks. I have to fast for that.

The email said we could fast, but there were options if we didn’t. Since I hadn’t planned on going, I didn’t fast. I decided to go ahead anyway, right at the last minute, since there were a few “walk in” spots.

I walked in.

Had a finger prick, got weighed, measured, blood pressure taken and a consultation.

Finger prick? Not bad at all.

Weight? Several pounds higher than at home, but I had eaten and had clothes on.

Height? An inch and a half taller than what I thought. For years! When I go for my Well-Woman, I’m going to ask them to measure me again.

Blood pressure? Awesome, as always.

Then I had the consulatation to talk to me about my LDL and HDL and all those things. They’re all good.

BMI is high. I knew that. It’s disturbing to me that I’m medically overweight. Yes, I’d like to lose weight. We all would. But I don’t see myself as this huge person (except on bad days when everything else in the world is wrong). But doctors say that I’m “overweight.” Bah, whatever. I’m working on it.

I also had to hold onto this device that measured my body fat percentage. That’s what brought me down.  I don’t expect to be like Michael Phelps (by the way, I just now looked it up.  He has about 5% body fat. He’s also a freak of nature), but I’d also like my body fat percentage to be lower.

The woman who “consulted” with me was very kind (and damn skinny) and said that many women are at that range. That we don’t do enough weight-type stuff. Okay, FINE!!!, I’ve heard it enough now. I’m really going to try to get into weights more. Better.

I called K that day and she showed me some weights to do at the gym. I’m terribly intimidated, but even being there, I realized the bo-hunks are more interested in their own reflection than to care if I’m doing the right techniques or not.  So, I’m going to try. I’m going to keep doing what I’m doing.  I eat relatively well. I do some form of cardio several times a week most weeks. The Weight Loss Gods have given me enough secret signs of “do weight training!” I’ve heard them now.

I just need to stick with it.

bitches.

I loove Butternut Squash Soup.  It’s a pain in the ass to make, but holy cow is it good. Here’ s my favorite WW-version.

• 2 tsp. olive oil (I never measure this…just pour some in your soup pot)
• 4 cups butternut squash, peeled and cubed (this is the hard part)–most recently, I used a large one.
• 3 cups chicken stock (I just used Better than Bouillon Mushroom)
• 1 large carrot, chopped (or a couple baby ones)
• 1 large onion, chopped (large chunks are fine)
• Crushed garlic cloves (I have the jarred stuff and throw some in there)
• Chopped fresh ginger, 1 or 1 Tbsp (I have the squeezy stuff and squeeze some in)
• S & P
• Curry Powder (in my notes I have “Yes!” written next to this)
• Bit of Nutmeg

• Saute onion in olive oil 15 minutes (peel and cut the squash)
• Add half broth, squash, carrot, simmer 15 minutes (go check your email)
• Add rest of broth, spices, simmer 30 minutes (go change out of workout clothes, put on pjs for comfort)
• Puree in batches (or invest in a submersion blender, which is awesome!)
• Adjust seasonings
• Serve with yogurt or sour cream (I never do)

This last time, I think my squash was too big, so the soup was more like baby food. The curry really makes it. I always add a bit of salt after I put it in my bowl.

If you’re a WW-er, the pointage depends on the squash. I think it’s ounce for ounce on the points. Basically, the soup is 1 point per cup.

As you know, I get a “CSA box” every other week. It’s jam-packed with wonderful, fresh veggies. Veggies I’ve never heard of, never eaten, veggies I love, everything.  Because of various commitments, I haven’t cooked at home yet this week. (Which is totally rare for me!).

I was home tonight. I had all these veggies to cook. I just couldn’t do it. I’m drained. I’m tired.

You wanna know what I had? Popcorn. Luckily, it was air-popped. But I ate the whole damn batch. With lots of butter sprays. I dipped it in cock sauce.  It’s delicious.

For dessert? Immediately following? An ice cream drumstick. I didn’t even wait to see if I really wanted it or not. Actually, I had in my mind what I wanted, but didn’t have any–that I saw until later. Of course eating like that, I don’t feel “satisfied,” but whatever. It was what I wanted at the time.

I also ate 3 pieces of chocolate on the way home.

I try to eat better than that. But the seratonin or lectin or whatever the hell those receptors are were firing. Or weren’t. (Obviously I didn’t pay enough attention to that article I read this morning!) Had I been smart about it, I would have either saved them all, or only eaten one and saved the rest for those needs at school.

Anyway, that was my dinner. No protein, no veggies, no fruits, no dairy.

Oh? And of course there was no exercising to be had, either.

Maybe I should just round out the night with a glass of wine.

So I’ve made it clear here that I don’t want to go to WW meetings. At least not right now. But I know it works. I know that’s when I lose. I really don’t want to go, though.  Several of us at work have talked about a support group, and some of us have done WW in the past, or are doing it now.

I took it upon myself to send out the preliminary email. Of course not everyone was happy with the time or date, but well, I set it up. And we can change it. I even said, “I know Monday is a good day to start, but I have a meeting that day, and since I’m starting it, I say we start Tuesday morning.” Some can come, some can’t. We may end up doing it some day after school. But whatever…

So I think it’ll be interesting. I made the stipulation in an email today that there could be no school talk!  I guess we’ll meet and talk and chat. Share problem areas, talk about good recipes, support each other.  I found something about having a work out journal, made copies and am going to hand it out. I said I’d start out with something. I intended to find some sort of touchy-feely thing, but didn’t really look.

I hope that having this support group helps. I’ve been doing okay, but not great. I’m not losing. I’m not having huge gains, but there are little gains here and there. With minimal losses. Maybe this will help. Maybe the fact that we’re putting money in, too. I think $1 each per week, and the person who loses the most (I say it should be percentage) gets the kitty. That could be enough for a good pedicure or something. Maybe that will help, too.

Anyway, we’ll see how it goes. Hopefully next week I can report back with exciting successes.

When I worked at camp, one time during staff training, we were served this awful Tamale Pie crap. It was so bad. It was so wasted. I mean, it was beyond edible. All the other food–okay, not all–most of the other food was edible. Anyway, I’ve shied away from the stuff ever since.

I tried this tonight. It was delicious. I recommend it. It’s from a WW cookbook.

Mexican Polenta Pie

• 1 15 oz. can black beans, rinsed and drained
• 1 14 oz. can diced tomatoes
• 10 oz. frozen corn kernels
• 1 zucchini, cut into 3/4-inch chunks (I used mine from my CSA. YUM!!)
• 1 cup frozen, shelled edamame
• 1 cup jarred chunky salsa (I used a mango one I had in fridge)
• 2 t. chili (I didn’t really measure, would have needed more)
• 1.2 t. ground cumin
• 1 16 oz. tube polenta
• 1 cup shredded reduced-0fat Mexican-blend cheese (and don’t skimp with fat free, b/c we all know that’s not cheese)
• I added one of my jalapenos from my CSA, too. (Still not as spicy as I would have wanted!!)

1. Preheat oven to 400. Spray with cooking spray (oops, forgot that!)
2. Combine beans, tomatoes, corn, zucchini, edamame, salsa, chili powder and cumin (and jalapeno) in big pot (it says Dutch oven, but what the hell is that anyway–and no, you don’t really need to answer that). Place over high heat and bring to a boil. Reduce heat and simmer, covered, about 10 minutes.  Put it in the dish and spread evenly. Arrange polenta slices on top, overlapping if necessary.
3. Bake until bubbly, about 25 minutes. Sprinkle polenta with cheese and bake about 3 minutes more. Let it stand 10 minutes before serving.

Just thought I’d share a recipe. I’ve got a million of them.

If you make it, let me know your thoughts. I think it’s tasty.

Not terribly out of control. But more than I should be.

I started this blog when I re-started WW again over again.

I’ve been doing it for 7 weeks now. I’m up 0.2 from when I started. You’re supposed to lose 0.5-2.0 a week. Obviously I’m not doing that. So, yes, I could be UP 7 times that much. … but it’s still discouraging.

But the other thing is that I know I’m not doing everything I should be doing. I haven’t worked out AT ALL this week–but I’m sure oral surgery is a good enough excuse.

And I could have today. But I just didn’t. Today wasn’t the day. And it wasn’t a bad day. Wasn’t a good day. I just didn’t work out. I sat on my ass and watched TV, played on the interweb and read.

And I have to give myself the persmission not to work out sometimes. And the permission not to do perfectly. So I haven’t been awful with the eating. But I also haven’t been how I “should” be.  How I know I have to be in order to lose.

It’s annoying. I’m frustrated. But sometimes not frustrated to do enough about it.

I’ve been doing better with the eating. Not great, but better. I promised I’d do better once the kids came back. And so far, I’ve done pretty well. Kinda. Haven’t had any beer or lots of fried foods yet.

“They” say you should eat veggies/fruits from each color of the rainbow.

Let’s see where I am today:

Red: tomatoes
Orange: Nothing
Yellow: banana, pineapple (twice), bits of squash (not very much)
Green: Okras, peas (not green ones…special ones from my CSA)
Blue: none
Indigo: None
Violet: Some of the okra

White: bits of onion, garlic

That’s pretty good, I suppose. Not tons of each, but enough. For now. Could be better, but it’s a start.

How’d you do today with colors of veggies/fruits?

As you know, I get a CSA box. This recipe was in an email we received. We didn’t get butternut squash, but I had one (just laying around, ya know?).

Spicy Honey Butternut Squash

Preheat grill or oven to 350 degrees. You’ll be using indirect heat on the grill. Wash butternut squash with skin on (you’ll eat the skin). Cut in half lengthwise. Slice each half into 3 pieces (2 cuts) lengthwise so that you have 6 wedges total. Baste squash with olive oil and season with salt and pepper. Grill skin side down at 350 for 30 minutes or bake skin side down for 30 minutes. Next you’ll grill each cut side for 7 to 8 minutes. You can use an indoor grill if you chose to bake it. While this is cooking you’ll prepare the honey butter.

4 Tbs butter

1 Tbs honey

1/2 tsp Tabasco or chili sauce (more if you want more heat)

1/2 tsp chili powder

Mix together with a fork. Baste onto squash just before serving. Laddle a little extra honey butter as you serve it. Finish with a squeeze of lime.

I used unsalted REAL butter. It says you can eat the skin, but I didn’t. I did it in the oven and I think it would have been better had I cooked it longer. But I have to say the honey-chili thing was amazing!! (I used cock sauce since I have it and I love it) and it was perfect. I put the butternut away, and scraped the juices into the tupperware, but kept licking the spoon. OMG, I can put this on anything. It’s awesome.  All the sweet and spicy all together.