to add on to that. Yes, I am okay with being alone. I love it. Maybe I’ve finally hit that “I’m okay with me” part that’s so critical. I need some guy to help make a shelf to hang stuff for my laundry. And one (same one?) to help make a patio and put up a screen and help with french doors.
There’s a lot brewing up there.
Not that long ago, I hit a place where I was really and truly okay with being single. … the thought of dating did NOT sound appealing at all. I only felt like I needed a man to fix stuff around the house. I was going out with girlfriends, I was getting stuff taken care of around the house. I did not need nor want an SO. Making my own dinner, making my lunch, cleaning up, looking at compost piles.
I’m pretty sure I still feel that way. … Then why did I take that next step? Oh, gawd… eH sent me a “special deal!!!” for 3 months for the price of one. I had one a few weeks ago, and ignored it. This one said I had to decide by Monday. So I did. I was totally sober, in a good place, in a fine mood…but I did it. I took the f*cking plunge. Holy crap.
I’m already annoyed that I did it. I’m like all, “why did I do that? … I’m totally content on my own.” As J said, “Maybe the Universe wants you to be dating.” Argh. Maybe the right little mite was there sitting in my ear or something. So, if it’s really good or really bad, I’m sure you’ll hear about it.
Someone asked me today about having more fun with Match. And I did, but anyone can find anyone of either sex on Match, and that made me nervous. Unfortunately b/c of what I do day in and day out, I like more of the privacy I can get from eH. It takes longer to get to the same place that M gets in just a few moments. And maybe M is cheaper.
I don’t know. I don’t know what I was thinking…. now that I’m saying all this negative stuff. You’re probably wondering, too. Why would I put myself through this again. But…
But, it will be summer soon, and I’ll need people to keep me entertained. So here we go!
Alright, yeah, a lot of this ends up being about food and my struggle with losing weight.
So first I’ll get this out and then we’ll see if I have the energy to go into the psychological stuff…
I didn’t do well this week. I guess it wasn’t HORRIBLE, but it wasn’t anywhere near where it “should have been.” I’ll say this. I had lots of “overages” every day this past week. And of course the weekends are pretty much a crazy eating and drinking fest. But, yeah, every day was “over” what it should have been. So, I made it through the day today. Tomorrow, Monday, is my ‘weigh in’ day. So I’ll weigh in. I mark it down. And next week will be better. I’ll write it down, I’ll move on. I’ll be pissed about it, but whatever. The wine tonight was good.
I’m disappointed that I’m still UP from when I started WW (again). So maybe doing WW means I didn’t gain MORE, but still. It’s totally frustrating. I know it works. I just need to make it work with me.
So maybe that’s where the psychological stuff comes in. Maybe I don’t really want to lose weight. … Nah I don’t believe that. Cuz I do. I think I just love food. And I love alcohol. And I don’t like depriving myself. And I can enjoy working out sometimes, although I did have to leave my class early last Friday because I wasn’t feeling well.
Hopefully tomorrow I can make it (and stay) for an evening class. The early morning thing will not be happening tomorrow.
So I’ll drink my water tonight. I can tell I had a lot of sodium this weekend. And, yeah, whatever.
Just me venting.
This entire week I’ve eaten like crap. And you know I try to watch what I eat. … I did go work out yesterday, but pigged out during the day and then didn’t do “awesome” that night.
Today was not wonderful, either. Lots of snacking again today. At work and here at home.
I saw there was a gym class at 8:00. I’m going. I don’t feel awesome right now. Like a little achy. But I don’t feel like I’m getting sick (knock on wood). I think it’s mostly just having eaten crap for a few days, after doing well the week previous.
So, here I am, announcing I’m taking my gross-feeling ass to the gym. For an 8:00 class.
I’ve got that itch to write. It’s right there. I think I even started composing in my head last night. That’s when I write the best–when I’m in bed, on the brink of sleep.
And now I should be going to bed. I’m sleepy, I’ve been on the computer a lot tonight, just flipping through websites, doing nothing productive. Couldn’t even make my lunch because all the good tupperware is in the (now washing) dishwasher. I took the trash and recycling out. I really should go to the next smaller (and smallest) size of trashcan. I didn’t take the trash out last week, and still this week I didn’t come close to filling it.
I love the new recycling. Of course I hate that it doesn’t get sorted and recycled in town, but it makes me feel good to throw SO much in there. I mean, I throw SO much! It’s just awesome. Coke zero cans, milk gallons, shampoo bottles, all sorts of plastics, all glass, all paper. I stand at my make-shift recycle bag and go through my junk mail. I give my egg cartons back to Greenling, even though I don’t buy their eggs. Soon (yeah, right) I will compost and will throw out even less food.
I’ve got several items of already prepared food in my fridge right now. Does Thai Egg Drop Soup freeze well? Or should I toss it? I’ve got one chicken mole thigh left. Some spiced pumpkin soup left, which will probably freeze well. It’s good to have to food available. Good to have it when I just don’t have it in me to cook. But sometimes when I’m feeling ambitious like this, I get a lot of made food in my fridge/freezer and just continue to make more.
I was inspired and went to the store around 11:00 a.m. today. It was perfect. There were only a few spots of “OMG this place is crazy!” which is a million times less than usual. I did have to go back, unfortunately, but it was all easy to do the exchange of broken things. I’ve got a few new recipes to make this week.
I’m going to try my hand at cupcakes this week for the team potluck. I’m going to try to copy KT and make PB frosting. I even bought little tips (and PB Kisses to put inside). I’m excited to experiment and I hope I’m not being too over-ambitious. I could have done them today, I had the time, but I didn’t want them to dry out too much by Wednesday. Hopefully I have the time Tuesday.
Tomorrow I go see David Sedaris. I’m very excited about that. C (hi, C!) often goes to “things” by herself, and I’ve always been impressed by that. She sees a concert or musician or speaker or whatever that she wants to see and she buys a ticket. Just one ticket. And she goes.
Me? I see if someone else will go, or I just don’t go at all–I haven’t been to “a show” in a really long time. I’ve done the dining alone thing, I’ve done movies alone, I guess this was next. And it’s not like it’s even that big of a deal. But it kinda is. But it’s not really, you know what I mean? (And kudos to you if you’ve read my rambling thus far). So that’s tomorrow. I’m very excited about it. That man cracks my shit up.
This is not what I intended to write about. It’s what came out, though.
So maybe I really should go to bed. I just started Little Women. Never read it, and I feel like I should have by now. I’ve read the first chapter so far. I have seen the movie, and I don’t remember much of it, which is good for me, since I hate reading the book after seeing the movie. I should go brush my teeth, read for a few pages and go to bed.
It’s Monday tomorrow, which makes me say boo. I know you non-teaching people think we have it so easy. And at times, yes, we do. I think the fact that there is an end in sight is what makes these last few weeks so difficult. I think I officially hit The Wall. I’m done. Over it.
